Although technology has simplified our finances and our ideas have changed about who should work or earn more, we may occasionally still fight over money. Besides the mental strain, stress and hurt feelings, money fights can erode trust and cripple relationships.
And while you may be one of the lucky couples to never feud over money, you may sometimes feel guilty about overspending, hiding cash, lying about your spending habits or worse — slipping into financial infidelity. What is financial infidelity? It means being dishonest with your partner about your finances.
In a new survey from Bankrate on financial infidelity, 42% of U.S. adults who are married or living with a partner say they’ve kept a financial secret from their significant other. More than a quarter of these adults, or 28%, believe that keeping financial secrets from a partner is as bad as physically cheating, with 7% saying it’s worse than a physical affair.
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Bankrate’s senior industry analyst Ted Rossman says, “Financial secrets can take on a life of their own and undermine the relationship. The breach of trust has a greater impact than the dollars and cents. If you have a secret spending habit, undisclosed debt or a credit card or bank account that your spouse doesn’t know about, it’s best to come clean right away.”
What are the different types of financial infidelity?
There are many forms of financial infidelity, with some having a much larger impact on a relationship than others.
- Spending too much, 30%
- Racking up debt without partner’s knowledge, 23%
- A secret savings account, 19%
- A hidden credit card. 18%
- An undisclosed checking account, 17%
- Spending 11% or more without partner’s knowledge, 11%
- Spending at least $1,000 without partner’s knowledge, 7%
Which generations commit the most financial infidelity?
Even though gender doesn’t seem to make a difference when it comes to financial infidelity — women (43%) and men (41%), age does, as generations reveal a more apparent divide.
- Younger people are more likely to confess to at least one instance of financial infidelity.
- Leading the generational pack is Generation Z at 67%.
- Millennials follow at 57%.
- Generation X, at 34%, and baby boomers, at 33%, are least likely to keep financial secrets from their partners.
Is financial infidelity influenced by income?
There’s also a divide across income groups, with higher-income households less prone to financial infidelity.
- 47% acknowledge committing financial infidelity in households with an annual income less than $50,000
- 46% have been financially unfaithful in the $50,000 to $99,999 household income group
- 34% confess to keeping financial secrets from their partner in households with an annual income of $100,000 and up
Key findings
- More than 40% of U.S. adults who are married or living with a partner say they’ve kept financial secrets from their significant other.
- Younger generations are more likely to keep financial secrets from lovers than are Gen Xers and baby boomers.
- The leading form of financial infidelity is spending, with 30% spending more than a partner would approve and 23% racking up debt without a partner’s knowledge.
- Across all groups, the main reasons cited for keeping financial secrets are a need for financial privacy or control of their own finances (37%), followed by a lack of desire to share (33%), and embarrassment about money management habits (28%).
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FAQs
New survey shows that 42% of U.S. adults have kept financial secrets from their significant other, committing "financial infidelity." Although technology has simplified our finances and our ideas have changed about who should work or earn more, we may occasionally still fight over money.
What are the statistics for financial infidelity? ›
It's called "financial infidelity," and 42% of people admit to it. "Keeping secrets from our loved ones, whether we're in a marriage or a partner that we live with," elaborated Roger Reynolds, CEO of Reynolds Financial Group.
Can marriage survive financial infidelity? ›
While financial infidelity can and has led to the termination of many marriages, relationships can survive if spouses make a mutual commitment to be honest and communicate. Frequently reviewing bills and financial statements together and having ongoing discussions about future goals are essential.
Is financial infidelity as bad as cheating? ›
That's because lying to a partner or keeping secrets from them about finances is a big deal, and for some folks, it's just as bad as cheating. A NerdWallet survey found that almost half of Americans with a partner have withheld financial information from them.
What percentage of US married couples spend money their spouse doesn't know about? ›
Key insights on financial infidelity
More than 4 in 10 (40 percent) U.S adults who are married or living with a partner say they've kept financial secrets from their significant other.
Is financial infidelity a deal breaker? ›
Debt Can be a Dealbreaker
No matter the amount, 54% of Americans believe having a partner who's in debt is a major reason to consider divorce, according to a 2022 survey commissioned by National Debt Relief. Debt tolerance plays a part in Americans' feelings about financial lies.
Is financial infidelity a crime? ›
Financial infidelity, while deeply damaging to the trust and foundation of a marriage, is not illegal in the criminal sense. However, it can lead to legal consequences in the context of divorce proceedings.
How damaging is financial infidelity? ›
Financial infidelity is a form of dishonesty that can not only affect the financial stability of a relationship but also the trust between two partners. It can damage a relationship in many ways, for example leading to arguments, with 20% of respondents saying they argue with their partner once a month about finances.
Should I divorce over financial infidelity? ›
While financial infidelity is not an official ground for divorce, deceitful behaviors can have legal implications in proceedings: Division of Property — Hiding assets or debts skews division. For example, if your spouse secretly amassed $100,000 in stock investments, you likely have a claim to half.
What does the Bible say about financial infidelity? ›
Ephesians 4:15 (NIV) encourages us to "Speak the truth in love." This is not always easy, but your spouse must know that you know. You must confront them about their actions. Express your feelings and concerns about the financial deception.
Like all forms of cheating, the problem is fundamentally a lack of trust. In a relationship with financial infidelity, the ability to talk about money isn't present. Either there is a desire or demand to control money in the way you want to without compromising with your significant other.
Why you should never admit you cheated? ›
Although telling could make the cheater feel better for getting the affair off their chest, it could put their partner in a not-so-great position where they feel bad about themselves or like they can't trust the cheater anymore. "The details [of the affair] aren't as important as the why [you did it]," Nelson said.
Why you should never cheat? ›
7 Big Reasons Why You Should Not Cheat!
- Infidelity betrayal causes anxiety and depression. ...
- The perpetrator of the relationship crime. ...
- Relationship misery. ...
- Revenge. ...
- Loss of trust. ...
- Reputation. ...
- Divorce and separation. ...
- Uncertainty and fear.
“If you want the relationship to work out, you're going to have to forgive and move on,” Harzog says. “That's hard when you have been betrayed, but if you want to save your relationship, you will have to take some steps to do so.”
How do you prove financial infidelity? ›
Hidden Bank Accounts
A hidden bank account is one of the most frequent signs of financial infidelity. This typically involves one spouse opening a secret account, hiding deposits or withdrawals from the other partner, and managing it without their knowledge or consent.
What is a financial deceit in marriage? ›
Financial infidelity is when couples with combined finances lie to each other about money. Examples of financial infidelity can include hiding existing debts, excessive expenditures without notifying the other partner, and lying about the use of money.
What percentage of people get divorced due to financial affairs? ›
Money is widely known as one of the leading causes of divorce in America. It's estimated that financial problems contribute to 20-40% of all divorces. That means that for every 10 marriages that end in divorce, four of them are because of money.
What is the average rate of infidelity? ›
Research from the past two decades shows that between 20 and 25 percent of married men cheat and between 10 and 15 percent of married women cheat, according to professor Nicholas Wolfinger. Read more here.
Why do people commit financial infidelity? ›
Like all forms of cheating, the problem is fundamentally a lack of trust. In a relationship with financial infidelity, the ability to talk about money isn't present. Either there is a desire or demand to control money in the way you want to without compromising with your significant other.
